On the morning of 18th March I woke up at around 7am and noticed when sat on the loo I had some light spotting along with a dull ache in my lower back. At this point I was 8 days over my due date and had it have not been for another birth story I had heard where the lady had an aching back the lower back pain I probably would have just assumed it was nothing but something told me today was the day!

I let my husband know that this might be early labour kicking in but he should continue to work from home and I would just see how I felt as the morning went on. Within a couple of hours the ache in my back started to feel like a really tight pull along the whole of my lower back so by then I just knew we were in business! I had previously planned to have a home birth and been set up with the homebirth team but due to some findings in previous scans the neonatal doctors requested I have a hospital delivery which I sadly went along with but that’s another story!

I ordered myself and Mike a huge Deliveroo breakfast for stamina as who knew how long my labour could be but by the time we had finished our breakfast burritos the back pain had really ramped up so I strained myself to my tens machine which really helped for a while.

At around 1PM I went to the loo to find my bloody show had appeared which was both exciting and terrifying because this made it all the more real!! It wasn’t all in my head haha.

By around 2PM I called the hospital to let them know I was in labour and they advised me to stay home for as long as possible and told me how often I should be contracting before going in, when I looked at the timings I had written down I realised I was contacting as often as what would warrant going in but I really wanted a home birth so the compromise for me was to stay home for as long as possible to keep the labour progressing and figured I would just see how much longer I could withhold pain dependent.

As the afternoon went on I felt the urge to just hide in my tiny downstairs toilet, I told Mike to carry on working and I would shout if I needed him. I felt this urge to be hidden away in complete privacy so I could stay calm and focused (hypnobirthing training at his finest) each time I tired to leave the toilet to walk the pain off I felt lots of pressure down below and at that moment in time just thought I needed a poo - spoiler alert: (I didn’t need a poo it was baby working his way down!)

By around 3PM I was starting to yell out in pain (and swear a great deal!) but insisted Mike ignore me and not come in as I definitely didn’t want to be touched or comforted. I just kept reminding myself floppy face, floppy fanny and all the other affirmations that struck me haha.

Eventually I told Mike to bring the car round I needed to go to the hospital as the pain was now full voltage but when I stood up I felt like the baby was going to drop out of me!! Mike called our homebirth midwife and she advised Mike to call me an ambulance (she could tell things had progressed to a point of the baby being near his exit) when the paramedics came I kept insisting that I couldn’t stand up as I might poo myself!! I think my way of staying calm was to believe it was all an overreaction and the typical keep calm and carry on approach. Eventually the amazing ambulance crew that showed up took me to Homerton where I was put in a triage room just as a contraction was rising up! I grabbed onto Mike let out an almighty roar!

The midwife checked my dilation and in a surprised response lifted her head up and said “you’re 10cm” but for some reason I instinctively said “can I have the epidural?!” Even though that was something I had not wanted at all previously. I think me knowing 10cm meant it was time to push and I just panicked but thankfully the midwife very calmly explained “yes you could have it but it might be quicker to just hop in the pool and push your baby out”.

Hearing her mention what my options were so calmly, snapped me back to the idea of what kind of birth I wanted and just how close I was to meeting my son. I hopped into the pool at around 4:30 and met my lovely midwife Laura, I requested the radio be put on and explained I was trying the old hypnobirthing techniques so was looking for anything to relax me! Laura dimmed the lights and handed me the gas & air, floating around in the pool after a huge contraction was the ultimate respite along with magic FM on the radio haha.

At some point I started to feel the urge to push and panic set in! I explained this and Laura just kept saying remember all your hypnobirthing “your body knows what to do” that affirmation instantly made me feel invincible and after a few pushes my son was out at 5:45PM. When I looked down into the water I could see a baby at the bottom of the pool, it was the most insane but magical sight! I pulled him up out of the water - I had done it!

The adrenaline was pumping through my body as I sobbed into his little head I had never felt prouder and what a reward! When Laura asked who would cut the cord I insisted I do it, I had been dead set on cutting it all along especially after all that work and 9 months together I should have that privilege!

I can genuinely say giving birth to Sidney was the greatest experience of my life, I was so terrified of having a traumatic experience but can honestly say hypnobirthing was my everything during the whole process. I felt in control throughout and with the help of Mike and lovely Laura at during the moments where I felt incapable they drew me back to all that I had learnt on Anna’s course. I had the option of a couple of stitches for a small internal tear to stop any further bleeding which was a relief because one of my fears was tearing severely, simply because I had heard so many horror stories. As I lay on the bed being stitched I looked dreamily over at Sidney who was being held by Mike, what a feeling that was to know that it was all over and we were now parents to the most perfect little boy.

After a shower and the famous tea & toast offering I let the midwife know I was ready to go home! She seemed surprised and let me know I was more than welcome to stay the night but where I had so wanted a homebirth I felt that the compromise would be taking my baby home the same day at least! After a physical check from the neonatal doctors which confirmed the things that were flagged at our 12 weeks scan where in fact irrelevant and Sidney was a healthy baby with no obvious issues. So I packed up our things and at 10:45PM I walked out of the hospital with Sidney in my arms and I can honestly say it was the best day of my life and not just because I became Sid’s Mum but because I did something I thought would leave me traumatised except what I honestly felt was pure empowerment and pride!

In hindsight I wish I had pushed for my homebirth as it would have been so straightforward but hey I got my healthy baby out with the help of a lovely midwife and husband regardless