I have bad arthritis in one hip so after a review with the consultant at 6 months pregnant, we agreed that a planned caesarean would be safest for both me and baby. I was a little bit sad I wouldn’t be giving birth naturally, but was happy with the doctors recommendation and decided to prepare myself as fully as possible by booking the caesarean hypnobirthing course with Anna.

The course was great for preparing me physically, but also mentally accepting that caesarean was the best choice for us. I listened to the affirmations every night before bed and my partner and I used Anna’s guidance to write a birth plan which I printed copies of to discuss with the medical team. It was two pages long (!) but included wanting to wrap baby in a towel we had slept with, listen to our music in theatre and delayed cord clamping. We also wanted my partner to cut the cord and put my gown on with the shoulder exposed for easy skin on skin.

The day itself was very surreal. We headed to hospital first thing and were shown to a room on the labour ward. Despite Covid, my partner was allowed in with me which was a huge relief. I got dressed into a gown and then had introductions with the midwife, anaesthetist and the surgeon. All of whom discussed the process for the day. I showed them each my birth plan and they agreed that everything on it was possible and they’d try their hardest to respect our wishes.

I was last on the morning list so then we were left to our own devices for 3 hours - we quite calmly watched reruns of friends on the iPad! As time edged on I started to get more anxious, but had some aromatherapy oil on a cloth, which I was sniffing to calm my nerves!

Then all of a sudden the midwife came in and said they were taking me up to theatre NOW. The surgeon came in to hurry us along, so we frantically grabbed our things and I walked up to the theatre with the team. I remember saying that I hadn’t had chance to go to the loo and the surgeon saying ‘don’t worry, you’ll have a catheter in soon.’

It felt quite manic in the theatre compared to the calm of our room. Each team was prepping the surgery and talking across to each other. The anaesthetist reminded me of the process and I sat on the edge of the bed while they put the spinal block in. My partner held my hand to steady my nerves and put our music on the speakers for me. It can’t have been more than ten minutes between them coming to get me and having the block done and being on the bed!

I laid down and they put the drapes up and prepped my stomach. I was just getting in the zone when the surgeon popped his head over and asked me if I wanted to keep the mole on my bikini line. It totally threw me! I told them I didn’t care and made my partner decide. It was a bit random but the surgeon was very jovial and relaxed which helped.

Then they started! The anaesthetist held my head and talked me through what they were doing while my partner held my hand. I was really surprised at just how much I could feel - the tugging was intense, especially when they pulled her out. I wasn’t quite prepared for just how intense that would feel. The surgeon let my partner know when they were about to pull her out and he popped his head over the drape to watch and took some amazing photos and videos! She screamed straight away and I just remember asking ‘is she ok, tell me she’s ok’. The anaesthetist said she’s perfect and I cried my eyes out (!).

They delayed the cord clamping for a full minute and then my partner went with her for her checks. That was a strange moment as half the theatre then went over to baby and I was left on my own. The anaesthetist was amazing and came over to hold my hand and comfort me.

It felt like forever, but then they bought Esmé over to me wrapped in the towel we had slept with. They placed her on my chest and she was sucking her little thumb. We had some lovely family cuddles while they sewed me up but I couldn’t really see her while she was on me, so made my partner take her. When they were done the surgeon proudly announced what a ‘perfect’ operation it was. I had lost hardly any blood and he had sewn me up in record time (he even took a pic of the time on the board to prove it!) Then suddenly the theatre was quiet again - my partner and the team had taken Esmé to recovery and I was wheeled down separately.

As soon as we got into recovery she was given to me and latched on to feed straight away. I couldn’t believe it. Then we had an hour just the three of us (and a nurse who sat very quietly in the corner monitoring me). The midwives had also arranged for James to come with me onto the ward for a few hours (this was super limited due to Covid) and I was so pleased he could stay with us.

Once on the ward I started to feel really sick. As the drugs wore off my whole body itched, I was boiling and kept needing to be sick. I was also conscious that my partner would have to leave soon so wanted him to have as many cuddles as possible before he had to leave. My partner had to leave at 6pm and then it was just the two of us. I couldn’t move, so didn’t want her in the cot. We stayed up all night cuddling and feeding and getting to know each other....which we did for another 48 hours until we were allowed to go home on our oxytocin high.

I wouldn’t have changed a thing.