I just wanted to drop you an email as I’m sat in the hospital after giving birth on Thursday (my due date, can you believe it?!)

Such a quick birth considering we ended up having complications…

We started at home, I was 3cm dilated at 3pm, by 5pm I was 10cm and about an hour or so after that we started the transfer to hospital and she was born at 8:20pm.

So I had no idea I was in labour at the start, and just thought I had back pains and some downward pressure….spent the morning getting a bikini wax and my eyebrows done!

At about 1pm I called my midwives to put them on standby and let them know I was possibly in labour but I wasn’t sure.

They came out around 3pm to see me…I was in the bath by that point and 3cm dilated. 

I said I was fine to be left alone for a bit and that I would call them to come back later…just under 2 hours later, Matt was starting to get a bit worried about how powerful my surges were (and I had started to get really frustrated with him not pushing on my back hard enough!) and the midwives came back out…by which time I was already 10cm.

I know that it moved along so quickly because of the breathing and the understanding of what was happening in my body, and the techniques you taught Matt and I for working together. With every surge I was just thinking  ‘I Exhale, and I open’.

I got out of the bath and onto the bed with the TENS which by that time felt AMAZING, lucky I had this as it took Matt about another 45 minutes to get the pool downstairs to the right temperature!

By the time I got into the pool it was so good and I just wanted to go to sleep in it to be honest, but it was time to push and I really did try, but I just couldn’t get her to move down enough. Her heart rate started dropping during surges and barely recovering before the next one started.

We got out of the pool to check where she was and she was still not budging so my midwives called an ambulance, during which time they saw meconium so it was just as well. I am so grateful they also both came with me and stayed throughout.

The whole ambulance journey and arrival in the hospital room is all a bit of a blur but mainly because I kept my eyes shut, and tried to focus on my body and my baby. They offered me a gown but I just wanted to kneel and be naked and try and get this baby out! The doctor arrived 15 minutes later and even though my surges were so powerful and I knew that the baby needed to come urgently, I was calm and in control enough to ask the doctor what my options were and what the stages after that would be (in between surges of course!). It meant that I wasn’t afraid and I knew what was happening so I was able to close my eyes again and focus on my body and the voices I needed to hear- Matt on one side, and my midwife in the other - whilst everyone else in the room was just doing their job. I think by this point there were about 9 people in the room and I was naked, on the bed, arms hooked around the back of my legs. 

I had an episiotomy and ventouse delivery and although it wasn’t the birth I had wanted, I was confident it was the best and safest option we had and it was up to me to focus and do the work. 

When the doctor attached the Ventouse it took me 2 rounds of surges to push my baby out, and I visualised what you taught us about the muscles of the uterus coming up and pushing the baby down and focused all my energy on that.

That last bit, the actual giving birth and feeling my baby come into the world was such a powerful sensation, I hope I never forget it.

The mantras I found myself thinking in the ambulance and at the hospital…

• I can do it because I am already doing it

• The surges are not too powerful for me, they are me

• Every surge brings my baby closer to me

And then for the final bit, it was simply …

• I trust in my medical team

• I Am strong

Matts words that he kept repeating at the hospital:

• ignore everything else, it’s just us here, this is all you (this helped me keep my eyes closed and trust that everything was in control)

• You look amazing! (I don’t know what possessed him to say this on repeat but I know I definitely didn’t, legs up, pouring with sweat, but it really empowered me!)

• Just Let go

• And at the end…just fucking go for it, don’t stop!

He went into proper Personal Trainer mode like we were at one of our fitness competitions, ha!

As it turns out, baby girl swallowed some meconium on her way out and we are still in the hospital as she needed some extra help breathing for a couple of days and they need to keep an eye on her for possible infections. 

BUT I know that those first stages of labour and how it all went once I got to hospital, was all down to the choices we made for a home birthing team (and the continuity of care that comes with that) that kept me calm at the start, and the hypnobirthing that gave me the confidence through out. If I hadn’t done either of those things, I believe I would be sat here feeling powerless and also probably would definitely not have had such a short labour! 

I wanted to let you know how the session with you helped me get through pretty much every stage of my birth.