Candidly, I first decided to try hypnobirthing because I was terrified of the thought of labour, the mere smell of a hospital ward and I become a bit lightheaded.  By the time I had become pregnant, I had heard so many frightening and gruesome birthing stories (helpfully I was told many more whilst being pregnant) that I was really scared. I have suffered from bouts of anxiety for most of my adult life, and I really didn't want to have an anxious pregnancy.

We enrolled on an amazing hypnobirthing course when I was 13 weeks pregnant, instantly I felt calmer and the more I learned about the process of birthing within this context, the more I was able to reframe the way I thought about it. I practised my breathing and relaxation scripts every day.

I used to practise my breathing on the train to London Bridge, with my eyes closed - the works, within a few months I could actually zone out the noise and other passengers completely. Once I had mastered the breathing without passing out, I used to use the time I was practising to really focus on my daughter and meeting her.  

We stuck the affirmations all over the house, and used to say them aloud every time we saw them - one day my partner wrote a rude phrase on a post-it not and added it to the collection and I read it out like a robot before realising what it said….

The affirmations are powerful, and even now, when I am having a crisis of confidence or things seem too hard, I tell myself that 'all the strength I need is within me'.

I went into hospital as I was two weeks 'overdue' and advised that I needed an induction due to risks. Our baby had other ideas... after four days of being on the pre-labour ward, the induction had failed and we decided that she would be born abdominally. Ordinarily the thought of surgery after four days of no sleep would have made me a bit hysterical, but I kept going back to the breathing, relaxation and mantras when I felt doubts rising.

I had to have a procedure which I was warned would be very painful and was offered gas and air (I decided to decline and try using my breathing - as a practise run for labour), it was incredibly powerful, I was uncomfortable but O.K, I was told that I have a very high pain threshold - this isn't the case, I had decided that adrenalin was not welcome to the party.

Our daughter was born in a sterile and surgical environment without the candles and darkness that I had planned but it was beautiful nonetheless, I used my breathing and mantras whilst prepping and going into surgery. I asked the surgeons to play Queen's Greatest Hits and they obliged. I was calm and present and accepted that my body was in control and this was the way it was meant to be.

I can't tell you that hypnobirthing helped me to ride my surges, or that I birthed my baby in the way that I had initially hoped to, but it gave me such invaluable tools that helped me to have a relaxed pregnancy, a calm stay in hospital and surgery without fear, which was a big gift.